Dependency does not come easy to me. I like to appear capable and strong. I tend to be more of an introvert and I hold my cards close. I like plans and having control. I prefer action and I hate waiting.
When I was twenty some of my college girlfriends would frequently call me Miss Independent. At the time I loved the nickname; I liked the idea of not needing anyone. Independence can be a lonely place though. I've failed to develop friendships and let others slip away because I haven't been more vulnerable. Worst of all though I've allowed myself to miss out on God's comfort and strength. Early in the summer I read Psalm 61: 2-5
From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been my refuge,
A a strong tower against the enemy.
Let me dwell in Your tent forever!
Let me take refuge under the shelter of Your wings.
For You, O God, have heard my vows;
You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your name.
It's become my daily prayer. I want to remember to seek the One who is higher and stronger than I. I need someone bigger than myself. When life's storms hit, my first response is often to dig my heels in and brace myself for the damage. I do eventually get to the point where I am looking for shelter, and God is always there as my strong tower; it's only through Him that I have done or gained anything of true value. In Him, I have found hope in wreckage time again. But I'm tired of wasting so much time getting there - I want it to become my habit to seek Him first.
When I hit 40, 50, 60 I hope I can say I did a lot of things: ran the race, earned the degree, provided the home, etc. Most importantly though I hope I can say I didn't do it or even attempt to do it on my own but that everyday I chose to seek The Rock higher than I.