Last year I didn't really make any goals. Struggling with depression/PMDD, I really just wanted to find contentment and peace again. There are days where I would say I've done that. I've gotten better at talking to people and asking for help. The thing I hate most about PMDD though, is how often it leaves me feeling out of control. I like control! So I find myself constantly prepping for the bad days, always trying to stay a little bit ahead. In theory, it might sound nice; but in actuality it's left me exhausted and missing some of life's most important things. As I look to the next year there are two things I want to strive for: one, to be "more present" and two, get a bit healthier.
I've become a bit of a multi-tasker. There is always something to do: laundry to fold, emails to send, homeschool work, etc. If my hands aren't already doing something else then most likely my mind is. While wrapping presents for Christmas I had left my phone upstairs and, not wanting to draw the kids attention, I decided not to go get it. This meant there was no radio, no emails, no texts, no Instagram to check. Just me, wrapping paper, and a pile presents. I was astonished at how relaxing it was - to just focus on one thing. I want to stop trying to make the most out of every moment and just enjoy the simple tasks I have before me. When I'm spending time with my husband or my kids I want to focus on just them. Several years ago, I started setting 15-20 minute timers of when I'd play with my kids, no phone, no other interruptions, just me and them. With my constant need to feel on top of things though I let that slide - the things you miss when you are distracted! I have some marvelous kids; it's great to just be present with them. I'm also hoping to be a little more "present" when I relax too. To give myself breaks to fully enjoy whatever fun I have before me: movies, books, a bubble bath, etc.
My other goal for 2014 is to get healthy. I think being more present plays in to that; I'm hoping it will bring mental calmness. I'm also hoping physically to get my body back into shape. I'm still carrying ten pounds from when I had Little Lady. While the weight isn't a big issue I can tell that my body is weaker. Simple things that used to be easy have started to get a bit harder. I want to be able to play tag with my kids at the playground, go for a long bike ride, or run with friends and not worry about my ability to finish. Jeremy and I have been doing T25 for the last month. It's only 25 minutes and can be done in our living room so it's working really well for us. We are both starting to see results. I'm hoping that come March when the weather isn't quite so frigid I can start running again, without music/or a book...just me enjoying the pace.
Hoping this New Year is a good one!