Baby Z is One.

Earlier in the month Baby Z turned one. To celebrate we had a couple close friends over for lunch and birthday cake. It was a simple fare but special because we were surrounded by people who also love our little baby boy. 

I've always heard that motherhood get easier with each baby; you know what to expect and thus you are more relaxed. It been the opposite with Baby Z. Even though he is my fourth, it's with him, that I have been the most anxious. He keeps throwing me curve balls and seems to have me constantly on my toes. During my pregnancy he wasn't as active as my first three and I was continually praying for his safety and for peace of mind. All my deliveries were different but his was the most unique. During his first month he had trouble gaining weight and words cannot describe the helplessness and anguish I felt. Even now he's throwing something new my way. He's got a bacterial infection and his poor little body is covered in a rash that keeps disappearing and reappearing. Ten plus years in childcare and three other babies and this little man has me feeling like a beginner. 

Maybe it's because we are pretty sure he's our last and therefore, 'my baby' but I can't seem to help fretting over him. I KNOW that children are resilient but he just seems too fragile...too precious. 

He seems to know he's 'my baby' too and is the most mommy centered of all my kiddos. He loves his Daddy and his siblings but other than that he seems to have only eyes for me. My arms are his happy place and it's where he prefers to spend most of his day.

He has great balance but refuses to even try to walk. Thankfully, he sleeps through the night in his room but hates naps. If I get more than an hour nap out of him a day it's a cause for celebration. He's determined and after two-plus-hours we decided 'crying-it-out' just wasn't going to work. He's also persistent and despite being moved to another room and given a new toy he'll head straight back to whatever 'hands-off' item caught his interest. He loves to cuddle and gives the best hugs. It melts my heart when he gently twirls my hair or pats my back. He makes the funniest faces and his smile lights up a room. His laugh is contagious and he enjoys being funny. When he does something that makes you chuckle he'll do it over and over again. He has lots and lots to say. I'm starting to understand some of his babbles and can't wait until I can make sense out of all of them. 

Ugh...look at how skinny he got! It makes my heart still hurt. 

He makes our home a brighter place. It's only been a year and he has already stretched me and taught me so much. It's such a blessing to be his momma.